Okay, the Broncos and Chiefs haven't played yet—and tragically, I have plans tonight and won't be able to watch it.
So I'm calling Week 1 early.
Patriots vs. Seahawks: My biggest takeaway? I don't trust Drake Maye. I don't think he's that good, and right now, I don't think he's ever going to be that good. There was one play where he scrambled out of the pocket and could have easily thrown the ball away. Instead, he just ran out of bounds three yards behind the line of scrimmage. Lost three yards for absolutely no reason. It was a tiny play, but it was the moment I thought: I don't think you've got it. Now, when you say something like that about someone, sometimes they rise up and prove you completely wrong. I hope he does. But I'm stating what I saw. Seattle lost its starting quarterback and still found a way to win. Credit to them. But New England handed them that game.
49ers vs. Rams: Really impressed with the 49ers. Really disappointed with the Rams. I don't know if the Rams came ready to play, but Purdy outplayed Stafford all the way.
Bears: I didn't watch the game, but 59 points? Holy shit. That's impressive.
Saints vs. Lions: I don't think Detroit is winning the Super Bowl. Great offense. I just don't trust that defense. New Orleans came right down the field at the end and easily could have tied the game and taken it to overtime. They went for two, and the play looked bad from the start. I didn't see Detroit's defense shut them down. I saw a bad pass save them. Winning a Super Bowl takes a complete team, and right now I'm not convinced Detroit has one.
Bengals: We've been hearing about the resurgence of Cincinnati. Apparently, it's real.
Jets vs. Titans: Of all things, the Jets beat the Titans. How about that?
Bills vs. Texans: Even though Houston lost, my takeaway is: C.J. Stroud is back. I thought he played really well. Yes, he fumbled at the end, but he got hit from behind, and I put a lot of that on the line. Houston supposedly has the number-one defense in the league, and they couldn't stop Josh Allen—but Josh Allen is Josh Allen, and he showed up BIG. Great win for Buffalo. But if I'm Houston, I'm not worried about that loss.
Ravens vs. Colts: Ravens get the win.
Steelers vs. Falcons: I was hoping for a little more fireworks from Aaron Rodgers returning to Mike McCarthy, but the defense salted that one away.
Jaguars vs. Browns: Jacksonville came on strong last year and made the playoffs, and I wondered if we might see a little letdown. Nope. Granted, it was Cleveland, but Jacksonville looked good.
Eagles vs. Commanders: Philadelphia is a solid football team, and I expected them to kill Washington. They didn't. So I actually came away a little impressed with Jayden Daniels and the Commanders. They hung around and competed.
Raiders: I'm a closet Raiders fan going all the way back to their L.A. days. Now Tom Brady is associated with the team, they've got Mendoza, and while I wasn't able to watch the game, I was damn glad to see them start the season with a win.
Packers vs. Vikings: Ugh. Green Bay is probably my number-one team year in and year out, and getting crushed by Minnesota like that was ugly. The Vikings lose their starting quarterback, Carson Wentz comes in, and they still light Green Bay up. Not good. I have a feeling this could be a down year for the Packers.
Chargers vs. Cardinals: Chargers this. Chargers that. Herbert. New offense. New offensive coordinator. All the hype—and then they lose to the team everybody seems to think might be the worst team in football. Okay. Something happened there.
Giants vs. Cowboys: Boy, the Giants looked GOOD. Tough. Physical. Having fun. I picked them to be a playoff team this year, and after one game, I feel pretty damn good about that pick. They looked like the old Giants again: smash-you-in-the-mouth football. Dart looked great. Skattebo was incredible. They just looked good. Dallas didn't. I've been a little suspicious of that Cowboys defense lately. They've got some dudes, but it didn't come through. And clearly the offense wasn't nearly as good as we've all been told—although maybe the Giants' defense is even better than we thought.
And that's Week 1.
One game to go: Broncos vs. Chiefs.
And I can't fucking watch it.
Tragic. 😂🏈