Forgiveness and Mercy

5:00AM. Coffee.
Dark house.
Me, the keyboard, and the impossible topic: mercy and forgiveness.

Let’s start with the hardest question:

Are there unforgivable sins?

On earth, yes.
Some actions permanently sever the bond.
Some violations make reconciliation impossible.
Some things break trust so deeply the relationship never returns.
That’s real.
That’s human.
That’s protection.

But below that question lives a deeper one:

If something feels unforgivable… what does that mean for the one who was hurt?
Do you carry the rage forever because the act can’t be erased?
Or does forgiveness mean something else entirely?

What if forgiveness isn’t forgetting?
What if it isn’t healing?
What if it isn’t “moving on”?
What if forgiveness is simply refusing to carry the poison any longer?

Sip coffee.
Sit with it.

As a kid I burned ants with a magnifying glass and shot gophers with my .22.
Was that unforgivable?
Or was it just a boy learning what power is?
I’m not that boy anymore.
Growth is its own redemption.

Another sip.
Another question:

Is forgiveness selfish?

Maybe.
Maybe that’s the point.
Maybe it’s the moment you say,
“I don’t want to haul this weight through my life anymore.”

And can it go even further?

Can you offer help—mercy—to someone who doesn’t deserve it?
Why does Frodo spare Gollum?
Not because Gollum is good.
Not because he earned anything.
But because mercy keeps the future open.
Because mercy says,
“I will not become the thing that wounded me.”

Wrestle, wrestle, wrestle.
Early mornings.
Quiet conversations in the hidden chambers of the heart.

Soon I’ll rise and move my body.
Embodiment is always the balm—
the reminder that no matter how heavy the soul gets,
I’m still here.
Still breathing.
Still choosing who I will be.

—Jason
#SacredRebel #Forgiveness #Mercy #MasculineHeart #MorningPractice #Polarity #MythicMasculine

When the Heart Won’t Sit Still

When the Heart Won’t Sit Still

Some mornings the emotions don’t line up.
They don’t sit in meditation like monks — they swirl, wander, spill over the edges.

I did my Empty Heart Orientation today, and instead of silence, I found weather:
wind, heat, old tenderness, new fire.
Grief next to gratitude.
Joy brushing up against unease.

For years I thought this meant something was wrong.
Now I know better.

A moving emotional landscape means the system is waking up.
It means nothing is being suppressed.
It means the feminine inside is finally free enough to move.

The work isn’t to calm it.
The work is to hold it — without tightening, without needing it to resolve.

Some days the heart sits still.
Some days it dances barefoot and knocks things over.
Both are holy.

#SacredRebel #RelaxedAliveness #EmotionalWeather #MasculinePresence #FeminineFlow

Relaxed Aliveness

Relaxed Aliveness

I walked into the studio and saw all the women gathered on the floor — pillows, blankets, feet tangled, laughing so hard they could barely breathe.

No structure holding it together — just feminine delight taking over the room like a rising tide.

A few of them were even tickling each other with their toes — that mischievous kind of sisterhood that only appears when the body finally feels safe.

This is what we’re really building.

We talk about “growth” like it’s all shadow work and intensity.

Sure — the work is heavy sometimes.

It has to be.

You can’t unfreeze a lifetime of armor with shallow breathing and good vibes.

But the RESULT of the work? This laughter. This. Women laughing so hard they can barely breathe because they finally don't have to hold the world together.

People think I sell intensity.

What I actually sell is relaxed aliveness.

If you want to know why we gather — it's for this: women free enough to laugh again, men grounded enough to hold it, and a tribe remembering how to be human together.

Chopping Wood

Before the circle: chop wood, carry water.
During the circle: No Mind, No Effort, All Just Is.
After the circle: chop wood, carry water.

It’s Monday after the circle.
I look at my hands and I see enlightenment in the simplest truth of all:

the work remains.

Back to the body.
Back to the tasks.
Back to the life right in front of me.

Because the moment the fire fades, the real practice begins.

The Passion That Burns Clean

The Passion That Burns Clean

Some people will tell you your fire is too much.
Some will say it scorched them.
Some will rewrite ten years of friendship as ash.

But on the mat of an MMA gym, dripping in sweat and doubt, I once told my coach:

“Maybe I need to tone it down.
Control my energy.
Dial back the intensity.”

He shook his head.

“No. Don’t dim your fire.
Anchor it.
Your passion will burn sometimes —
but that fire is also your genius.
In love and in war.
Your heart is open.
Guide your flame from there.”

I’ve learned something lately:

My fire isn’t the problem.
Unspoken truth is.
Delayed resentment is.
Standing too close without saying a word is.

Yes — my passion burns.
Yes — it leaves marks.
And yes — it’s the same fire that protects, creates, loves, and awakens.

I’m not here to shrink.
I’m here to burn clean.

Instant Feedback

In our workshops, we teach something simple but radical:
feedback must be immediate.
Not an hour later. Not tomorrow. Not after resentment builds.
Right now.

Feedback keeps the energy alive instead of stagnating.

That’s why we use a numeric loop:
1, 1, 1, 3, 5, 9, 9, 5, 5, 3, 6, 8!

It’s not about perfection.
It’s about calibration.

Most people wait too long to speak.
They swallow it.
They avoid it.
They hope it will pass.

But friendship dies when you bury your feelings alive.

Instant feedback keeps the channel open:

  • “More of that.”

  • “Less of that.”

  • “That just landed.”

  • “That missed.”

No story.
No drama.
Just truth.

It’s not about control.
It’s about connection.

If you want a deeper relationship or a deeper life:

Stop waiting for the perfect moment.
Respond now.
Adjust now.
Speak now.

Instant feedback isn’t criticism.
It’s a gift.
And if you don’t give it, it turns into poison.

Too Much - Not Enough

You can be too much for people.
And that can stain your subconscious in ways you don’t even notice.

And you can be not enough — no matter what you do, they still aren’t satisfied.

Somewhere between those two extremes, you have to find your center.
Your balance.
Your actual self.

The path of becoming who you are — without bending for approval — can be brutal.
Sometimes it feels like the world, or even your dearest loved ones, are conspiring to tell you:

“You’re too much.”
or
“You’re not enough.”

But somewhere in the middle of all that noise… there’s just you.

Unfiltered.
Unapologetic.
True.

You get to discover who you are, and then be that — without shrinking and without apology.

Stop apologizing for love.
You are love.

Perfect Day Thanksgiving

Well... that was the perfect day.

Four days of hard work and design prep put into one feast, and we pulled it off.

Perfect meal... with perfect people. From 5:00AM in the morning working with my amazing wife... And getting the privilege of seeing my daughter Amethyst and Jade, my son Riley, our friend Porter and his son Koa, and especially time with Dr. Stanchfield and Peggy, Jennie's amazing beautiful magical parents.

Then a comatose nap... like I was OUT, watching football while my son Riley cleaned up.

Then a fun game of Wyrmpan, and I finally won!

Followed by me, Riley and Jennie watching the PERFECT movie: The original 2010 How to Train Your Dragon. Toothless and Hiccup.

Thanksgiving is for gratitude, but often you have to try and find it. But it found me this year, and this evening I felt overwhelmed with the sheer appreciation of my life. I am lucky. I am unlucky. But I manifested and created THIS, and I'm really happy I did.

There is nothing better... I mean it... nothing better than working hard and then celebrating together as a family.

It's what I do.

If you sink into the flow of right action, two fears will block you.
The first hits before you even take a step—questioning where the path might lead.
The second comes after you see the destination—resisting what it will demand or what it will give you.
Both are the same root fear: losing who you were.
The only way through is to move anyway.

The Art of the Table

The Art of the Table.

Iconic.
Family Time.
Warrior Time.
A type of gathering: Historical: The Round Table.
Come gather here. Enter my home, feel the grace and the grit, the full spectrum of humanity.
We bleed, we swear, we are neurotic, even in our love. We are human.
At the same time we BE. Awareness. Stillness. Timeless. Nothing every needs done.
Can we make art here? Right here? Forget healing for a moment. Forget spiritual oneness. What if we just dance our neurosis around the table?
Yes, therapy is good, and necessary and takes years.
And each moment is perfect the way it is.
But… what if express our humanness. Not washed out, not perfect, not healed, but we humbling laughing dance with our trauma, our fears, our dangers?
Art.
Around the table.
Another way to enjoy life.

Thanksgiving Week - Day 1

Thanksgiving Week
The table we will gather around in four days — to feast, to connect, to give thanks.

This week I’m thankful for the magic of this table.

My wife Jennie spent the weekend in Salt Lake City with the women. They did their thing, and so, impromptu, I invited some men over and we spent Saturday and Sunday gathered around the table.

A men’s group, of sorts — spontaneous, quiet, deep, ridiculous, honest, and connected.

The door would knock…
And another man would arrive.
And then another.
And then another.

We challenged each other in the cold plunge.

One practice was simple: What do you appreciate about this man?
We would go around and speak.
Every man received a turn.

Setting the stage for THANKSGIVING.

Later, when the ladies returned, we were both deeply refreshed. The women’s faces glowed; the men were still and settled.

A beautiful weekend apart — which made coming back together all the more meaningful.

Jason

PERFORMANCE - The Fourth Pillar

PERFORMANCE — The Fourth Pillar

My friend Danny and I used to play chess all the time.
I could beat him—if I brought my absolute A-game.
Total masculine focus. Warrior intensity. Ignoring everything else.

If I did that… I won.

Then he moved away.

Years later, he came back to visit.
“Let’s play chess,” he said. “I joined a chess club.”

Cool, I thought.
Time to rally. Time to bring everything I’ve got.

I focused harder than ever.
I played my sharpest, cleanest game.

And he destroyed me.

If we played 100 games, he’d win 100 times.

What happened?

He’d been practicing.
Not just trying harder.
Not just “bringing his A-game.”
Actually training. Studying. Drilling. Getting better.

And no amount of masculine focus could overcome that gap.

That’s when I learned something that changed how I approach everything:

You never get it done.

Polarity? You can always deepen it.
Purpose? There’s always a next stage waiting for you.
Partnership? You can always integrate more of your light and your dark.

There is no finish line.
No moment where you “arrive.”
No mythical day when you’re finally allowed to coast.

David Deida put it perfectly:
“Stop hoping for a completion in anything in life.”

As a musician practices scales—over and over and over—
so you practice the pillars.

And somewhere in the middle of all that practice…
you make art.

But here’s the paradox:

The point of the journey is not to arrive.
You practice so you can dissolve.
You train so you can let go.
You sharpen your skill so you can forget about it and simply be.

Practice. Dissolve.
Practice. Dissolve.
Practice. Dissolve.

That’s what the Heber Meditation Retreat is.

Saturday, December 13th isn’t about “learning polarity”
or “understanding the four stages.”
It’s about practicing them in your body until they become second nature.

At Heber, you’ll practice:
• Polarity — masculine presence and feminine radiance as physics
• Purpose — sensing which stage you’re in and where to go next
• Partnership — running both light and dark energy through your heart
• Performance — practicing it all… then dissolving into flow

One day of practice.
One day of depth.
Then you take it home and keep practicing.

Because you never get it done.
And that is the gift.

Saturday, December 13 — Heber City, Utah

A full day of embodied practice.

You don’t need perfection.
You need practice.

—Jason

🔥 PARTNERSHIP — The Third Pillar



Polarity taught me the physics.
Purpose showed me the depth.

And then I made the classic mistake:
I thought Stage 4 was all light.
All softness, love, surrender, compassion.
You know — save-the-spider, practice-yoga, whisper-to-the-trees energy.

Then one night, there was a sound downstairs.

Jennie and I sat bolt upright.
A real sound. Not imagined.
The house was full of sleeping kids.

I’d trained for that moment — but never truly expected it.

I turned to Jennie and said,
“You call 911. I love you. I’ll take care of this.”

I grabbed the baseball bat I keep beside the bed and went downstairs — quiet, slow, ready.

Someone was in the house.
But they heard me coming and ran.

I chased them out into the dark until they vanished into the night.
When I walked back in, Jennie threw herself into my arms.

A few months later, we were in line at a movie theater.
Two guys were harassing a young woman nearby.

I looked at Jennie and said,
“Stay here.”

I walked over and stood directly in front of them — close enough to feel their breath.
I didn’t yell.
Didn’t posture.
Didn’t play tough.

I just stood there.
Still.
Present.
Unmoving.

They cracked jokes to save face, then backed up…
and kept backing up…
until they were literally off the curb, stumbling into the street, fleeing into the night.

The young woman thanked me.
Jennie later whispered,
“That was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen you do.”

Here’s what I learned:

My pursuit of light alone left me incomplete.

Deeper than “love and light” is access to power.
To darkness.
To the hunter who tracks and kills prey to feed his family.
To the warrior who protects his children.
To the man capable of violence — in service of love.

This isn’t aggression.
It’s not dominance.
It’s not control.

It’s channeling dark energy through the heart.

David Deida gave me the key:

“What energy do you think Jesus had when he cleared the temple?”

That was dark warrior energy — righteous, fierce, protective.
And Mary holding the Christ child?
That was pure light — radiant, soft, unwavering.

Both are sacred.
Both are necessary.

The teaching isn’t light OR dark.
It’s light AND dark — through the heart.

That’s partnership.
Not just partnership with another person —
but partnership within yourself.

The partnership between your light nature and your dark nature.
Your softness and your ferocity.
Your capacity to nurture and your capacity to protect.

When you learn to run both energies through the heart, you become whole.
You’re not performing goodness.
You’re not suppressing your edge.
You’re not afraid of your own power.

You are integrated.

Polarity taught me the masculine and feminine.
Purpose taught me the four stages of depth.
Partnership taught me the whole spectrum — without apology.

And this is what we practice at the Heber Meditation Retreat on Saturday, December 13th.

You’ll learn to:
• Recognize the difference between toxic aggression and sacred warrior energy
• Feel dark energy (protection, power, boundaries) move safely through your heart
• Integrate your capacity for both softness and fierceness
• Stand fully in your edge — without losing your center

Saturday, December 13 — Heber City, Utah
A full day of embodied integration and partnership.

The light alone isn’t enough.
You need the whole spectrum.

—Jason

Heber Meditation Retreat Part 3 - Purpose

Heber Meditation Retreat

Wednesday - PURPOSE — The Second Pillar

Polarity brought the spark back. But that was only the beginning.

The intimacy was alive again.
The marriage was solid.
The business was working.

And yet… something in me felt hollow.

I remember sitting in my office one morning, staring at my calendar, feeling this low, persistent hum of:

“Is this really it?”

Not depression.
Not crisis.
Just an ache — like there was a deeper layer of life I hadn't touched yet.

I called Suzanne. She laughed.

“Yeah. You just hit Stage 2. Welcome to Independence. Go back and see David again.”

I had no idea what she meant.

That’s when I learned something that changed my entire life:

Polarity is the first initiation.
Purpose is the second.

I sat on the studio floor across from Jennie.
I embodied the masculine… breath deep into my belly, spine straight, chin tucked, tongue on the roof of my mouth.
Heart open. Senses wide.
I felt big — like Jupiter big.
Then Jennie began to move.

She didn’t move with thought — she moved with light.
She flowed like a goddess, surrendering fully into the container of my breath, my arms, my gaze, my depth.

The polarity was strong.
The arc of energy was palpable.

And then it happened.

We dissolved.

The ego dropped.
I wasn’t just Jason witnessing her — I was the universe witnessing her.
And Jennie dissolved as well — she became light.

We weren’t “Jason and Jennie” anymore.
In that one moment, everything changed.
Our loving became a living arc of purpose in the world.

If polarity was the best drug in the world, nothing prepared us for this depth.

And that’s when I understood:

Polarity opens the door.
Purpose pulls you through it.

Purpose isn’t about goals, careers, or missions.
It’s about depth — the maturation of your soul.

We live in four stages:

Stage 1 — Dependence
The child. “Take care of me. Make me safe.”

Stage 2 — Independence
The adolescent. “I got this. I don’t need anyone.”
(90% of high performers get stuck here.)

Stage 3 — Interdependence
The adult. “We build together. We serve something real.”

Stage 4 — Integrated
The mystic.
The warrior.
The mother.
The saint.

Stage 4 is unmistakable once you feel it.

It’s the moment the ego steps back and the soul steps forward.
The moment right action comes through you without calculation.
The moment fear dissolves and alignment takes its place.

It’s Christ offering himself for love of the world.
It’s Mary holding the Christ child with divine clarity.
It’s Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita lifting his bow and saying,
“Not my will — but the will of the sacred.”

Stage 4 is when your life becomes a living sacrifice to love, truth, depth, and purpose.
Not martyrdom.
Not burnout.
Not performance.

Alignment.

Once I learned these stages — and more importantly, once I felt them — everything shifted.
I could see where I was stuck.
Where my clients were stuck.
What was next.

Depth isn’t thinking.
Depth isn’t analyzing.
Depth isn’t self-improvement.

Depth is the state your nervous system enters when your ego finally stops running the show.

And this is what we practice at the Heber Meditation Retreat on Saturday, December 13th.

Most people have never been guided into Stage 3…
or felt even five seconds of Stage 4.

But you can taste it.
Even in one day.

Here’s what we practice:
• Recognize which stage you're living in (and where you're stuck)
• Feel the difference between Stage 2 and Stage 3 in your body
• Experience the first moments of Integrated alignment
• Practice embodied depth — not as a concept, but as a state

Saturday, December 13 — Heber City, Utah
A full day of embodied purpose and depth.

Register at Heber Meditation Retreat Website.

That hollow feeling isn’t failure.
It’s the invitation to the next stage.

—Jason

Tuesday - 🔥 POLARITY — The First Pillar

Heber Meditation Retreat

Tuesday - 🔥 POLARITY — The First Pillar

This is where everything began for me—the moment my marriage, my body, and my entire spiritual path snapped into clarity.

We were desperate. Our spark had died. We had tried everything.
So Friday morning, on the first day of a David Deida workshop (this was 15 years ago), I raised my hand first and laid it all out:

"Our marriage feels flat. The passion is gone. We don't know what to do."

David looked at me, nodded once, and said:

"Ah. No problem. We'll fix that by the end of the weekend."

Then he moved on to the next person.

I was pissed. Did he even hear me? Six thousand dollars, flights, rental car, hotel—and this guy shrugs like it's a tire rotation?

But by Sunday night…

Everything was fixed. And the answer wasn’t psychological. It wasn’t a communication technique. It wasn’t “trying harder.”

It was in the body.

Yeah, I had read David’s books.
My friend Suzanne Wagner had told me for months:
“You need polarity.”
So I read thirty books. Thirty.
Nothing changed.

Finally she said, “Stop reading. Just go see David.”

So we did. And within 72 hours of working with him, I learned something the books could not teach me:

Polarity is not an idea.
It is an embodied physics.

Masculine isn’t a role—it's a way your breath, spine, and awareness express themselves.

Feminine isn’t a personality—it's a way energy, emotion, and radiance move through the body.

When Jennie embodied her feminine, and I embodied the masculine witness… something opened.

The spark returned.
The connection came roaring back.
And we finally understood how this worked—not conceptually, but physically.

That weekend was the ignition point.

But here’s the truth: we had to keep practicing.

Polarity isn’t a one-time fix—it’s a living current. You step into it, you feel it, you practice it, and it becomes yours.

That’s why I’m hosting the Heber Meditation Retreat on Saturday, December 13th.

This is a Level 1, entry-level day of practice—the same doorway Jennie and I walked through years ago.

If you’re brand new, perfect.
If you already know polarity, perfect—come sharpen your skill.

Here’s what we practice:
• How to feel masculine presence in your actual body (not just think about it)
• How to recognize feminine radiance when it shows up—and how to meet it
• How to practice polarity as a living, embodied physics

Saturday, December 13 — Heber City, Utah

A full day of embodied polarity and presence.

Register here at our website, Heber Meditation Retreat.

The spark is not gone.
It’s waiting for you in your body.
—Jason